Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
