Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
