The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
