It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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