I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
