She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
