Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
