he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
