Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize