I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
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Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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