Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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