party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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