Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
