dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
