so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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