We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
