Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Even my vagina gasped.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
