Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
