if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
