Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is it because I queefed?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
