We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
