There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
