guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
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we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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