Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
