If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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