I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
