Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
