They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
