I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
