Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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