Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
