as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
