My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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