tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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