The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
