I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
