He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
