I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
