I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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