i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize