I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
