My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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