This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I faked an abortion last night.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
