3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
