Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna have a badass scar
everyone is single if you try hard enough
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
