Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
