I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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