I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
