my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
