"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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