he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
