Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
