genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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