I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
