I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
