You work out of a Hotel?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
