yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
