forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They took my balls.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
