So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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