You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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