My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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