When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
