I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
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I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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