Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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