Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
