OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
