Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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