I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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