I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
