Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
