You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
