her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
