so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize