Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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